ADDRESSING HURT FROM THE PAST (BAGGAGE)

4 minute read

I'm seeing a series on Netflix, and I saw a scene that got me thinking, ‘Adam and Eve were so lucky to have a clean slate as part of their love story’. You know, no issues from past relationships or their upbringing or from taking in terrible advice. But even that didn’t last long. I don’t want to imagine what their relationship was like after the Apple eating episode and being banished from the Garden of Eden.


Image from pinterest

My point, you’re not Adam or Eve (thank God!), and we don’t all get clean slates with which we go into a relationship. We have all been hurt at some point and have issues. The only difference between you and the next person is, that person has recognized and addressed their ‘issues’, so it’s no longer baggage they carry around. Okay, you may be the ‘next person’ that has already addressed their issues. What’s important here is that, if you still have baggage from a past relationship or something you picked up from observing your parents marriage, or from the way you were brought up, or from a movie, or really from wherever, you can be that person that has identified and addressed their hurt too.


What is this baggage I speak of?

  • Self Esteem issues
  • Trust issues
  • Body image issues
  • Abandonment issues
  • Money issues
  • Ego issues
  • Materialism

And a whole host of other things that affect your ability to give and receive love.


READ ALSO : Learnin love from love - A chat with Oloruntobaa


You deserve better for yourself and your significant other deserves a whole you; just like you deserve to fall and stay in love with a whole person too.


What do you do?

  • Start by identifying any patterns that may be a pointer to baggage you’re carrying. I’d say start with what hurts the most. Sometimes it even reflects in your relationship with God.
  • Pray. You need to ask the Holy Spirit to show you how to go about addressing this. The habits you need to drop to overcome it, what habits you need to pick up, and everything else.
  • Stay out of a relationship. A romantic relationship. Pastor Todd said ‘hurt people hurt people’. If you’re still carrying baggage from the past, and you take that into a new relationship, well, the likelihood that you’d project it onto the next person is more than it’s less. While it might get lonely not being boo’ed up, it will get painful when those issues start to stand in the way of the love you desire (or as some will say, it will end in premium tears, but I do not wish that for you) If you’re single and feel lonely,  click here to read Ten things to do when you’re Single (and feel lonely) and to find helpful resources.
  • Research. Read to learn more about what you’re dealing with. I’m not a big fan of Google, just cause all sorts of people from all different walks of life with different beliefs have their opinions on there, so I’d suggest a Christian literature. If you look hard enough, you’d find a book written by a believer like you that addresses what you need to learn on.
  • Listen to sermons that address what you’re dealing with. There’s a plethora of sermons on YouTube. Again, have your 'Bible believing filter' on before you take advice from anybody.
  • Read scriptures that address what you’re dealing with. I find that a lot of times, we carry baggage because we have believed a lie... For E.g., 'if he left, then I’m not such a great person as I thought I was', 'I was too open with my feelings, so she took me for granted, I’m never being vulnerable again', 'I was too committed and my heart got broken, next time, I’d keep my options open' … These are all lies. So when you take the word of God in continually, your mind starts to be renewed and, slowly but surely, you start to believe the truth. I would recommend finding reading plans on the YouVersion Bible App that address the state of your mind.
  • Talk to a trusted leader or counselor. It’s always nice to have someone walk with you through a growth process.


Hey, I believe so firmly that God wants us to live a full life, and part of living a full life is having a happy healthy relationship. If you are already in a relationship and you know you still have baggage from the past, I’d advice you talk it over with your significant other while following the steps above. 

God help us all.


To join a family of believers that are intentional about their relationship life, click here. We meet virtually once a month to discuss topics that affect us as believers and how we relate with one another, You can connect with me here. I would love to talk with you.


Till next time, stay thriving and trusting!

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