ADDRESSING HURT FROM THE PAST (BAGGAGE)

4 minute read

I'm seeing a series on Netflix, and I saw a scene that got me thinking, ‘Adam and Eve were so lucky to have a clean slate as part of their love story’. You know, no issues from past relationships or their upbringing or from taking in terrible advice. But even that didn’t last long. I don’t want to imagine what their relationship was like after the Apple eating episode and being banished from the Garden of Eden.


Image from pinterest

My point, you’re not Adam or Eve (thank God!), and we don’t all get clean slates with which we go into a relationship. We have all been hurt at some point and have issues. The only difference between you and the next person is, that person has recognized and addressed their ‘issues’, so it’s no longer baggage they carry around. Okay, you may be the ‘next person’ that has already addressed their issues. What’s important here is that, if you still have baggage from a past relationship or something you picked up from observing your parents marriage, or from the way you were brought up, or from a movie, or really from wherever, you can be that person that has identified and addressed their hurt too.


What is this baggage I speak of?

  • Self Esteem issues
  • Trust issues
  • Body image issues
  • Abandonment issues
  • Money issues
  • Ego issues
  • Materialism

And a whole host of other things that affect your ability to give and receive love.


READ ALSO : Learnin love from love - A chat with Oloruntobaa


You deserve better for yourself and your significant other deserves a whole you; just like you deserve to fall and stay in love with a whole person too.


What do you do?

  • Start by identifying any patterns that may be a pointer to baggage you’re carrying. I’d say start with what hurts the most. Sometimes it even reflects in your relationship with God.
  • Pray. You need to ask the Holy Spirit to show you how to go about addressing this. The habits you need to drop to overcome it, what habits you need to pick up, and everything else.
  • Stay out of a relationship. A romantic relationship. Pastor Todd said ‘hurt people hurt people’. If you’re still carrying baggage from the past, and you take that into a new relationship, well, the likelihood that you’d project it onto the next person is more than it’s less. While it might get lonely not being boo’ed up, it will get painful when those issues start to stand in the way of the love you desire (or as some will say, it will end in premium tears, but I do not wish that for you) If you’re single and feel lonely,  click here to read Ten things to do when you’re Single (and feel lonely) and to find helpful resources.
  • Research. Read to learn more about what you’re dealing with. I’m not a big fan of Google, just cause all sorts of people from all different walks of life with different beliefs have their opinions on there, so I’d suggest a Christian literature. If you look hard enough, you’d find a book written by a believer like you that addresses what you need to learn on.
  • Listen to sermons that address what you’re dealing with. There’s a plethora of sermons on YouTube. Again, have your 'Bible believing filter' on before you take advice from anybody.
  • Read scriptures that address what you’re dealing with. I find that a lot of times, we carry baggage because we have believed a lie... For E.g., 'if he left, then I’m not such a great person as I thought I was', 'I was too open with my feelings, so she took me for granted, I’m never being vulnerable again', 'I was too committed and my heart got broken, next time, I’d keep my options open' … These are all lies. So when you take the word of God in continually, your mind starts to be renewed and, slowly but surely, you start to believe the truth. I would recommend finding reading plans on the YouVersion Bible App that address the state of your mind.
  • Talk to a trusted leader or counselor. It’s always nice to have someone walk with you through a growth process.


Hey, I believe so firmly that God wants us to live a full life, and part of living a full life is having a happy healthy relationship. If you are already in a relationship and you know you still have baggage from the past, I’d advice you talk it over with your significant other while following the steps above. 

God help us all.


To join a family of believers that are intentional about their relationship life, click here. We meet virtually once a month to discuss topics that affect us as believers and how we relate with one another, You can connect with me here. I would love to talk with you.


Till next time, stay thriving and trusting!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Wait: Why am I waiting?

Image
They that wait upon the Lord, shall Renew their strength - Isaiah 40:31 Different things make up the 'Waiting' season for different people. Precious shares her journey with Unity of Purpose. Keep reading to see her experience. Unity of Purpose: Hi Precious, what is Purpose to you? Precious : Purpose is living the intent of God on earth. Doing all things with the consciousness of bringing glory to God. Unity of Purpose: Tell Unity of Purpose your idea of a dating/marital relationship Precious: I belief relationship should be enjoyed and not endured, two people working to bring out the best in each other. Unity of Purpose : Please share your story with us The dream of any girl is to marry a tall, dark and handsome good man, as was my dream too. However being good is a relative term in human dictionary, and because God knows us, He knows what we need to complement us and bring out the best in us. As we know, a relationship can make or mar you. Back in the university I was in and o...
Read more

TO THE STRUGGLING CHRISTIAN

Image
2 minutes read Do you journal? I journal a lot. I've always had diaries since I was a child. When it became less effective to have them in hard copy form, I started to journal on my laptop, and now I journal on the Notes app on my phone. I'm new to blogging, but definitely not new to putting my thoughts into writing. Journaling for me is therapeutic. I put down whatever is going on in my life, the exact way I feel, what I'd like to do about it, and what I eventually do about it. Last year though, I saw God do something through my journaling habit. He showed me growth and how He's working on me.  I look at some of the things I wrote down, the way I felt about myself, prayers said to God, and I realized that He heard and answered them all. 21st September 2018 I'm learning that my imperfections are beautiful I'm learning to love me   I have been learning this a long time, maybe it will take a lifetime to unlearn all I learned wrong, but I won't stop lea...
Read more

UNRAVELING THE ONE- A CHAT WITH DR. FEMI OSUNLUSI

Image
5 minutes read I listened to this VN just this morning, and thought you had to listen too. The initial plan was to type out a few of the things Dr. Femi shared with me, so that you can read, but listening to this, I'm fairly certain I cannot capture a lot of what he said adequately, so with permission, I'd send the audio file on the platform. This however is for those who are not able to listen for one reason or the other. Host: What is your idea of the one? Dr. Femi : My idea of the one is not really an idea, it’s a person. She is a person. The one for me is the woman I'm married to. She makes everything make sense, and this isn't just guy rhymes. She's the one I feel extremely comfortable with, extremely vulnerable with, and extremely compatible with. It would be cliché to say she doesn’t complete me because I'm complete in myself, but the truth is, she completes me, I complete her, and we complete each other. Host : Is there a match made in heaven or do I cho...
Read more