MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE

3 minutes read

The Lord is my light and my salvation, so why should I be afraid?

The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?

-Psalms 27:1

I woke up this morning with this scripture on my heart, and so I plugged my music in (Rhythms of Grace by Hillsong), opened up my YouVersion Bible, and began to read. I must have stopped a few times to catch my breath and hold back the tears that were threatening to pour.

Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path…

Psalms 27:11

I finished reading and I started all over again, but I couldn't make it past the first verse which is the opening for this post. I've had a draining past month, and not just because I wrote the Bar Exams, I had an emotionally draining month as well. As a matter of fact, I've not been able to pull myself together for a study on Unity of Purpose. 


I thought I was done with 'Trust Issues'. Actually I was so sure I was done. I remember sometime in 2018 when I stood before a group of girls I used to teach at a fellowship, and declared, 'I have Trust issues'. At the time, I believe God was really working on me, and exposing all the ways I acted which were as a result of a lack of trust, but which I had masked as something else. 'I am independent' 'I am introverted', 'I am shy', 'I like my space', 'I do not want to bother anyone with my problems', and the host of several other things I would say to avoid anything beyond a surface relationship with anyone.

Read a letter to the struggling Christian

I couldn’t get past that first verse because when God was teaching me to overcome this fear of trusting people, He reminded me that He is always with me and I do not need to fear hurt from people. It was a beautiful thing really, I began to open up, and I actually have long term relationships now. People that I can say actually know me. People that I seek their opinion before doing major things. People that I actually see in my future, Lol. Once upon a time, at the beginning of any relationship with anyone, I acted with the end in mind, so I didn’t give too much, cause 'It'd all be over soon, right?'

Having gone through this cycle, I recognize all the signs of a lack of trust. I've started second guessing a lot again. I've started feeling the need to protect my space again. And honestly, I'm not sure if it's me, or I'm really right to tread lightly this time. But just reading this scripture this morning, I realize I'm so blessed to be able to put my trust fully in God, and let that flow into my relationship with people. If really it is God I put my trust in, and I'm led of His Spirit, I can trust that He is 'my fortress, protecting me from danger', and you can too.

Here's a resource I found really helpful in dealing with trust issues Dr. Matthew Stevenson- Trust Issues

Read also- The blessing I call 'relationships'

Till next time, stay thriving and trusting!

Hi, I'm Dolapo, and I really believe in living a full life. A life in Christ where no aspect of your life has to suffer for another to thrive. As a result I never stop learning, I never stop looking for ways to grow and do better. I like to define myself as resilient.  I make a mistake, or fall short of standards (usually set for me by me. Lol), I go back to my closet, and try to see how I can do better. The process is not cute, but it gets the job done. 

Connect with me here

Join a bunch of other believers interested in living and learning together here

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