THE CHASE

5 minutes read

I know exactly what I want to write about and what the goals of this months study are. I've however had a hard time putting down my thoughts in writing, in a way that I believe you would get the message, so I've been putting this off, but its already 6th of December, so, here goes.

P.S., if you did not participate in UNRAVELING THE ONE, I recommend that you go through last months' study, and then come back to this.

Something I have made a joke recently is the phrase, "It's 2020". I say that and then say something ridiculous right after that. For example, I could say, "It's 2020, you don’t need precautions to cross the road" (2+2 = Moimoi). An appropriate use of that phrase according to popular culture however, would be, "It's 2020, you don’t have to wait for the guy to walk up to you, if you like him, let him know, ask him on a date". Honestly, even typing that does not feel right. We live in a society where it would appear that more guys (and ladies) are avoiding commitment, and more ladies are 'empowered'. So it starts to feel like a norm to 'help him out'. I saw a tweet, 'Ladies, send that DM to that guy today, it won't kill you'. I'd say there's a 50/50 chance on that one.

The question is 'when did guys start needing girls to make the first move? There's way too much in the media on 'how to make her chase you'. What is God's original design? DISCLAIMER: I realize that not all guys fall in this category, and I bet you are the exception.

Let's borrow from the traditional marriage of my people, there comes a time (I have to confess it's my favorite part of the ceremony) when the bridegroom (oko iyawo) would have to go with his friends and family to the family of the bride, and prostrate to ask for her hand. And even with popular culture, that still stands.

Again, the norm is to have the grooms' family over at the brides' family for the introduction. This is usually when he comes to 'pluck the flower he has found' (For some reason, this is one of my favorite things to say)

If we still have all of this in place, what has happened to The Chase?

Let's get to the main reason this is a subject of discuss for Unity of Purpose. Christian teachers of the Word would tell you, scriptures say, HE who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22); So shall a MAN leave his Father and Mother, and become one with his wife (Genesis 2:24). And with that Christian ladies are reminded that they are the prize, they are the favor factor, so they should focus on growing through the wait, serving the Lord with all their heart and developing the Characteristics of a wife. They are told, men can smell desperation from a mile away, and so they are to become whole, happy in  singleness, and all of that great stuff. Do I agree? Yes sir.

So what happens when a 'Jesus serving whole sister' gets entangled in a 'texting all day, walking her home, staying back after church' situation with a Jesus brother who is not taking any further steps? 

Situation 1

Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, but boy isn't taking responsibility for the relationship, neither is he attempting to define it or discuss future plans.

On the flip side, popular culture also suggests to the empowered ladies that 'He has to work for it, and it's important to play hard to get'. This is honestly a 'What feels like female empowerment but isn't' situation. Let's not forget that she is also fully aware that 'she is the prize'. So in her case, this Jesus brother is genuinely interested in her, but she feels the need to elongate the chase and make him 'work for it'. Dating is a game right? 

Situation 2

Boy likes girl, girl likes boy, but girl feels like if she gives in too soon, boy would not value her.

I believe somewhere in between all of this, the essence of the chase has been lost.  If a Christian marriage is to mirror the relationship between Christ and the Church, I don't think a Christian dating relationship should be so far off. Christ came for the church (His Bride) and loved it. He's still chasing after you and I today. Gentlemen? 

Read The love relationship you truly desire

I want us to as much as possible, unknot this entire thing. I know for sure that in a Christian Marital relationship, the man is the head of the home and he is to lead his family, so I can't help but question how that is supposed to work if you as a lady take on the leadership role from the dating relationship. Shouldn’t it be considered a red flag if the guy that is interested in you, is not willing to take responsibility for your relationship? Let's say you take responsibility and that leads to the start of the relationship, at what point do you hand over the reins? And how do you know he'd be willing to take it then? 

As a guy, would you be comfortable and content in a relationship where the girl makes the first move and does the chasing? Why are more guys content with 'situationships'? How do you feel about a girl playing hard to get as opposed to returning your affections almost immediately?

Let's talk UOP fam. This month, we'd be reading 'The Man God has for You' by Stephan Labossiere. I'd highly recommend that every man/woman reads this book. As always, I'm looking forward to our interactive session at the end of the year (Yes, I'm happy I can actually say end of the year)

Till next time, stay thriving and trusting!