UNRAVELING THE ONE - A chat with Ijeoma Adesanya

5 minutes read

This month has felt a little slow. I'm not sure if it is because I have barely had anytime to myself, or if it is because I secretly expected to find a 'Know THE ONE for sure' self help book lying around. Shocker, it does not exist.

I however did find something else incredibly reassuring in my prayer time, and perhaps that is all I need for all my questions to unraveling the one. What did I find? The Omniscient nature of God. I began to study about that, and look back on my life's journey, and I saw how involved God has always been in every decision, every step of the way, and I found peace. Also, this past week, my mum sent me a message, and ended it with the words, 'I believe that God will not allow you to make mistakes in choosing your life partner in Jesus name'. That did something to the conviction I already had of God's sovereignty. I'm going to stop talking now, and let you read this beautiful chat I had with Ijeoma Adesanya. However, I look forward to sharing more with you at our interactive session on the 28th of November, 2020.

Host: What’s your idea of the one? Is there a match made in heaven that I have to find? Or do I decide who I choose to call the one?

Ijeoma: My idea of the One is a life partner who God designed for me. I believe, there is someone who God has designed each of us to do life with. However, how you identify your life partner must be spiritual. It is important not to look at the qualities that everyone around you is looking at because it is not telling of the future. God sees the future and knows what we need at every stage of our lives and he provides us with the right partner that complements that journey.

For example, what do you define as a match made in heaven? It might not be the same as God's idea of your perfect match. The bible says iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). A relationship should challenge you and make you better. There has to be a process of edification, where you both understand your strengths and weaknesses and you somehow complement each other. 

I believe the Holy spirit tells us who the one is…and this will usually come as a sense of inner peace. You can be in a relationship and its clearly leading to marriage and you just have this inner peace about it. You can find “the one” and still fight a lot, but the inner peace won’t leave you. 

Host: How and when did you recognize your spouse as the one for you?

Ijeoma: Hmm, this is a tricky one because we were both working in church and ended up praying together a lot. I don’t remember the exact moment I realized but there is something that happened earlier when we first met that kind of stuck with me and it is super random but I'll share.

So in the middle of a Sunday service, I popped a sweet in my mouth and didn’t find anywhere to keep the wrapper, so I put it in his hand and I thought he would put it away or give it back to me jokingly, but he held on to it, throughout the service. It is so random, but it was warm, and it stayed with me. 

I’ll say it was majorly the peace I had anytime I was around him. He had a quiet confidence about him that resonated with me and calmed my anxious nature. He doesn’t worry about stuff and I used to worry a lot. I believe God knew I needed Him to teach me about Grace and resting in God's grace. 

How do relationships affect my life purpose?

Host: Did you ever get doubts? How did you deal with them?

I did get doubts, but I prayed over them. We were in a long-distance relationship before we got married and I believe that put a strain on us and led to doubts. But we kept going and I’m glad we did. 

Host: Is it possible to be 100% sure when making the decision of a life partner? 

Ijeoma: The answer is NO. One thing I’ll say is, you just have to trust God. Trusting God is understanding that all things are working together for your good (Romans 8:28). That he will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5) and that He has given you everything pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). If you believe the word of God and you pray and incline your ears to listen and trust Him, then you have made the right decision because His spirit lives inside of you and will guide you

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Host: How do I address thoughts of 'what if there is someone better'?

Ijeoma: I’d say be content with your portion. There will always be something that looks seemingly better than your reality. One way to address the thought is to check where it is coming from. Is it coming from a place of greed, the flesh or just an intuition? Ask God to give you the grace to make the right decision and check your spirit to identify what is driving those thoughts. 

Host: What are some guidelines to look out for in identifying “The One”?

1. What is their relationship with God like? Notice I didn’t ask, “do they go to church every day”. It’s important to go to church but a personal relationship with God is more important and this will drive most of their character and my next points. 

2. How do they treat you? Are they consistent in their relationship with you? Or is it cold today, hot tomorrow. Consistency is key. 

3. What is their vision for the future? Does it align to yours? 

4. How do they treat people who can do nothing for them? It is so key to observe that because it goes a long way in identifying their character. Not how they treat you, but others who can do nothing for them.

5. Also please check yourself. While you look out for the one, check that you are constantly working on yourself. Love yourself, understand your strengths and weaknesses. Know what you want in life. I believe knowing yourself and loving yourself is the most important guideline to finding a partner. A partner doesn’t complete you; your wholeness is required for the relationship to work.

Read also - The love relationship you truly desire

Host: If you are of the opinion that the choice of a life partner is up to me, what is the place of divine guidance? 

Ijeoma: I don’t believe it’s up to you. I believe God readies our hearts when we are getting closer to finding a partner but like I said earlier, there has to be a place of working on yourself. It’s important to constantly think introspectively than it is to go out looking for someone. 

After I read this, I could not quite place my fingers on it, but I felt satisfied. It's almost like a reassuring, 'trust God with this decision, and you can be sure that you are fine'. I've taken away quite a number of life lessons in the last couple of months, for which I am grateful. We would discuss a lot more about this at our interactive session this coming Saturday, and I'd really love for you to be present. Please follow this link to join that session.

If you'd love to connect with me and discuss any and all things relationships, you can reach me here, I'd love to hear from you.

Have you read Unraveling The One