UNRAVELING THE ONE- A CHAT WITH DR. FEMI OSUNLUSI

5 minutes read

I listened to this VN just this morning, and thought you had to listen too. The initial plan was to type out a few of the things Dr. Femi shared with me, so that you can read, but listening to this, I'm fairly certain I cannot capture a lot of what he said adequately, so with permission, I'd send the audio file on the platform. This however is for those who are not able to listen for one reason or the other.

Host: What is your idea of the one?

Dr. Femi: My idea of the one is not really an idea, it’s a person. She is a person. The one for me is the woman I'm married to. She makes everything make sense, and this isn't just guy rhymes. She's the one I feel extremely comfortable with, extremely vulnerable with, and extremely compatible with. It would be cliché to say she doesn’t complete me because I'm complete in myself, but the truth is, she completes me, I complete her, and we complete each other.

Host: Is there a match made in heaven or do I choose who I get to call the One?

Dr. Femi: There is no match made in heaven (He shared a parable I really think you should listen to) However, on earth there are matches made. The whole idea of a match made in heaven is supposed to make it seem like nothing can go wrong worth that relationship; the both of you were meant to be, God  literally made both of you at the same time.. Bla bla, but the truth is, if Jesus did not validate the point of a match made in Heaven, it goes to prove the point, and so every match is made here on earth. Remember what scriptures say, that whatever is bound here on earth is bound in heaven, and whatever you loose here on earth is loosed in heaven. And so, the concept of picking and choosing a life partner is a function of what you bind on earth, and what you loose on earth. God gives permission and authority over it. Or He tells you 'no' about that choice.

Host: How and when did you recognize your partner as the one for you?

Dr. Femi: I call it an Eureka moment. It means 'The answer hit me'. That was when a senior brother of mine pointed out to me, having studied my wife and I, that she is a nice person and she really likes me, and asked if I have considered her. That was when I gave it due consideration and thought, 'Wow. She is the One. If you miss her, you miss her for life'. However 2 years led up to this. I didn’t just see her and know. 2 years of friendship, consistent relationship, conversations, sharing, and vulnerability. We prayed together about it, and we kicked off from there.

Host: Did you ever get doubts?

Dr. Femi: No. However, did I get afraid. Yes. Doubt? No. There was no uncertainty that we were going to be married. A five year period led to our marriage, and so in that period, we had a lot of time to be afraid.

How did I deal with the fears?

My fears were centered around, 'will I mess it up, will I lose her? Will I still be good enough for her?' And every time those fears will come, I went back to what made me certain. What made me certain was the word of God in Proverbs 16:33 (AMP)

The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord

If God had planned something, it's not my responsibility to be afraid. It's my responsibility to trust God.

Host: Is it possible to be 100% sure when making that decision?

Dr. Femi: Yes it is possible. I think the question should be, is it possible to 100% sure, and still make a mistake? Also possible. I'm a living testimony, I'm married to my wife and we are living together happily. We've only been married a year and a few months, but it feels like forever is too short. Does that mean there hasn’t been challenges, there have, but with the grace of God, we overcame them.

Host: How do I address thoughts of 'what if there is someone better'?

Dr. Femi: The true answer to that is, Don’t be covetous. There would always be someone better. But somebody better doesn’t mean you have to lose what you have. God has helped you pick this person, stick with this person. Except you are starting to see character traits and flaws that are not compatible, and you are not able to talk them through, then walk away. Break up. But don’t lose your partner because you think there is somebody better. A bird in hand, they say, is better than 10 in the bush.

Host: What are some guide lines to look out for in making the decision?

Dr. Femi: There are no guidelines. I'd tell you clear cut, make rational decisions. God gave you a brain to think with it. Look for somebody who you're emotionally, genetically, and financially compatible with. Someone you can be vulnerable with and you won't feel like you're loosing yourself. Compatibility is a sure guideline. This person I'm choosing, can I endure this persons madness? Can I celebrate their wins when I am down and not feel inferior? Can I pack their vomit when they are sick?

Host: What is the place of divine guidance in choosing a life partner?

Dr. Femi: The place of divine guidance is to let you know that in future, these are the issues you might face, and these are the ways of escape I've made available. Or these are the issues you'd face, are you sure you're ready to go into it? Kuku back out if you can't. God has given us will power for a reason, and He won't trump it. Scripture says to acknowledge Him, and He shall direct (Proverbs 3:5). So you acknowledge, and He will direct. If you don’t acknowledge Him, whatever direction your relationship goes, you would need to steer your ship yourself. The place of divine guidance is for direction, not for choosing. The choice of a partner is up to you, the direction in which the relationship goes, is up to God.

Thank you for reading! If you picked up one or two lessons from reading this, kindly share with your contacts. And if you’d like to be a part of the community, please click here to join us. I’d be most delighted to have you.